My post on the Tunnel of Oppression, the grassroots campus diversity initiative that resembles a cross between a haunted house and a drive-thru restaurant, has provoked a response from one Brandon Dawson, a Tunnel of Oppression organizer at SUNY Cortland. Dawson has much to say to me and to those who posted comments. I quote his post in full; all grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, and typos are his:

What is said is in order to be educated we have to understand our differences. Being a co-presentor of the Tunnel of Oppression for the past two years at SUNY Cortland and being involved with the program for my time at Cortland I have to laugh at some of the comments on this post. One most of you arguing here don't understand the importance and weight of a program like this. What I would like to ask is How many of youhave tried to do a campus diversity program. This program in its 6 years at Cortland has draw more students than any residence hall program could ever hope to imagine.

This past fall we presented this program and had over 750 students go through this program and impacted each and every one of them. At our annual residence life conferance we had 240 student staff attend this program. What most of you fail to comprehend is that different people expierence situations in different ways. This program is a slymps of how others may have to live on a daily basis.

Second I find it funny that the majority of you are claiming to be educated. I'TS A SAD REALITY THAT A TOUGHT FROM SOMEONE WAS LAWSUIT. it's people like you that don't allow us to move foward and add to the oppression in society. Being educated means being open to new ideas you may not agree with. As a scholar myself I ask you to look beyond the actors and role play and look at the real hidden meaning of this program and what it truely does. Because numbers don't like and when 750 students ATTEND a program.....you guys have no leg to stand on

President Carter once said " In order to accept our differences we must accept our commonality"

Whats most oppressive is people like you are going to be the teachers, lawyers, doctors, and educators of the future and you can't get over your own issues. What a sad future we have ahead of us.

Was it Dorothy Sayers who speculated about a link between bad grammar and eccentric religion? I think so. Here's another example of the nearly religious fervor of Diversity.

"As a scholar myself . . . "

I'm expierencing a slymps of horror at the tought.

Well, no. I'm laughing.

I don't claim to be educated - at least not in the sense that this creature is "educated;" but I know slap-stick when I see it! I want to thank him for today's much needed belly-laugh. With all the diverse and serious multicultural problems presented daily at the UN, I always appreciate any amusement to break up the tension.

Besides the bad grammar, spelling, and general incoherence of this piece, what is the point? That 750 people have been forced to participate? The meanining isn't hidden very well, all incoming whites (especially heterosexual males) are racist and need to be re-educated. Anyone who disagrees is also a racist.

Can I buy a comma please?

The fact that 750 college kids at a third rate phys ed school took diversity training in a tunnel coordinated by a functional illiterate really doesn't impress me. If I were the parent of one of those kids I'd be seriously concerned about the value of that investment.

Egad! Is English Mr. Dawson's second language?

Ooh! He invoked Jimmy Carter. Epiphany, everyone.

"Jimmy Carter! He's history's greatest monster!"

Groundkeeper Willie

It's hard to believe this isn't a put-on, but one Brandon Dawson is listed as an RA in Groat Hall at Courtland: http://www.cortland.edu/~reslife/DeGroat.html

Either this is for real, or someone may be committing Internet fraud.

Loren

LOL! Loren, intentionally or not, you're doing what I consider the most effective slam on anyone who posts something utterly absurd, poorly-spelled, and grammatically disastrous on the Internet. I always save it for special cases - it's my rhetorical thermobaric bomb. You just e-mail the goober in question and politely, with a tone of scandalized concern, say something along the lines of "I thought you might want to know that someone is trying to slander and discredit you by putting up a post full of absurd misspellings and obviously ridiculous points, and identifying himself as you. Fortunately it's a pretty transparent attempt, although less sophisticated readers might be fooled - that's why I figured I should give you a head's up."

Shame on you, Erin, and on others who commented here, for using such intolerant, pejorative, and yes, OPPRESSIVE language to condemn Mr. Dawson's prose. "Errors," "mistakes," "bad grammar," "illiteracy" -- these are the bludgeoning words of academic oppressors. Don't you understand that Mr. Dawson is generously trying to give you a slymps of grammatical and syntactical DIVERSITY? His is a DIFFERENT literacy, and there's nothing ill about it; it ought to be celebrated. You could at least have compassion for him as he suffers from Carping Tunnel Syndrome. So you don't like his punctuation. Well, he's a comma chameleon, and that takes bravery and sacrifice. How long must he bare the oppressor's thong and the proud man's costumery? I think his transgressions are heroic. He'll probably be Valid Victorian of his class, or Quaaludetorian at least. Dawson creaks. Oppressors tremble.

The saddest deficiency in his rant is the misconception that success should be defined by the number of participants. Apparently it hasn't yet occurred to him that "programs" like this should be evaluated based on both the value of their goals and the program's effectiveness in achieving them.

He asks us to look "beyond the actors and role play and look at the real hidden meaning of this program and what it truely does". I wonder what he thinks it "truely does". Does he think no one has heard of or thought about these issues until attending his program?

Dear Mr. Finegan: Just a quick note to let you know that the phrase "he's a comma chameleon" left me in stitches. It works on so many levels. On the downside, I now have to wait until the mental image of Boy George works its way out of my system before i can resume my 'day job'..
Regards, Ivan

Comma Chameleon

Desert loving in your eyes all the way
If I listen to your lies would you say
I'm a man without conviction,
I'm a man who doesn't know
How to sell a contradiction, you come and go,
You come and go

Comma comma comma comma comma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go
Loving would be easy
If your colors were like my dream
Red gold and green, red gold and green

Sorry, Ivan. Looks like you'll have to listen to this 'song' in your head for the rest of the day too!

I've nothing much to add, except to say how happy and encouraged I am to see that at least here in the world, here on the web, sensible and strong-minded people (my fellow responders) continue to exist. Excuse my amazement and gratitude: I've been an English professor for twenty years.

Dear N.I. - thanks for the text. As a way of purging myself of unwarranted Boy George song-bites I felt compelled to compose a letter to the Washington Post concerning my Congressman's (Jim Moran) assertion that 'the jews are responsible for pushing us to war with Iraq. [He really said that.] I am also now trying to respond to the decision of Congress to have its cafeteria rename French fries - freedom fries. Just wait until the next time Teddy Kennedy gets caught freedom kissing an intern. Oh my. Ah, D.C. - where the insanity is only outstripped by banality. Erin - sorry to go off the academic topic for a moment - but I felt like venting!

Not the best representative of this point of view. But smugly writing him off because of his grammar doesn't address anything of substance. Shall we just shoot fish in a barrel?

I thought you were kidding.
Then I read the original article...
Jesus, are there really that many stupid college co-eds who believe this crap?
And his post... God help us.
How did he pass the SATs or entrance exams?
And this was the guy that ORGANIZED the "Funnel of Stupidity"? I would hate to see the "followers".
I gotta beef up my IRA so I won't have to rely on these morons to take care of me when I'm old and gray!

Seth, you make a good point and raise a valid question. I am not convinced that the above responses can be categorized universally as smug. Some I would cast as despairing. At the same time, I do not think form and substance are mutually exclusive concepts. The appalling lack of form in this case might very well bespeak an appalling lack of substance. It is hard not to argue that the visceral sloppiness of the post does not belie a sloppiness of the substance underlying the poster's convictions. At the very least it is indicative of the thought process behind the poster's substantive convictions. The post does not well serve the goals of those seeking to promote diversity on campus and is the academic equivalent of the rock star at the Grammy Awards ask that we all find ‘agreeance’ with each other. Yes, it may be like shooting at fish in the barrel but this is what was offered by the poster. He had to know, if he reviewed Erin’s site, that he was not dealing with a third-rate mind. Yet he did not take the time to review and edit his letter. In effect, he put all the fish in the barrel and provided Erin and the responders with the weapons and the ammunition. He has exposed himself and his cause to ridicule. I think both sides of the diversity debate would be better served by cogent, coherent, and civil arguments. As an attorney, I am at my best when I am confronted with well-written, well-presented, substantive arguments. It forces me to focus on the substance and relieves me of the duty to deconstruct and translate ill-conceived and poorly focused arguments into English. I resent having to do my adversary’s job. Again, I think your point is well taken and perhaps we should re-think our easy ridicule of a person who, at the very least, had the honorable instinct to respond and defend his position. Regards, Ivan.

Hopefully our scholar has skills in either the hamburger or coffee making arts. I figure he'll be needing them soon.

Bob Finegan: Priceless!

And while I generally agree that piling on just for the sake of piling on has its limits, when someone who composes crap like this has the guts to say: "Second I find it funny that the majority of you are claiming to be educated", I think he's pretty much opened the door to have his status as a "scholar" questioned.

Although it is almost inaudible through a cacophony of grammatical, spelling, punctuation and structural errors, Mr. Dawson does indeed have a point. His point is that the program to which he has dedicated a large amount of time and energy wasn't a complete waste of time. Someone trying to defend something that they believe in? What next? Mr. Dawson tries (and tries, and tries, and fails marvelously) to argue that (what he sees as) high attendance somehow attests to the efficacy of his program—a program which provided a broad target for Erin's March 1 musings.

But to suppose that this Dawson chap's idiocy is in some way related to his facility with a pen or a keyboard strikes me as just a smidgen elitist. This is an antiquated correlation which has been proven time and time again to be specious. I am not at all surprised with the criticism that his argument is weak, but I wince when I read evidence of what must be people's sheer, slavering delight in criticizing his prose. He is not a writer. Most people are not writers. But people need to write to communicate, and some of you do it better than others. I find it sad that when met with a piece of average prose, we English Lit. types tend to jump on it with claws bared.

I'm mildly disappointed that my finger-wagging and "shame, shaming" will probably fall on deaf ears.

All you english teachers, take the rest of the day off and have a drink. Have several.

Deaf ears here, Jake. None of us wants to think that we need not have sat through hours upon hours of English class after all.

I laughed my head off at Bob Finegan's post, and I'll offer a statement that my fifteen-year-old daughter blurted out, while perusing a handout from her English teacher: "Commas: Either you get 'em or you don't." I wholeheartedly agree.

Jake,

You wrote:

"But to suppose that this Dawson chap's idiocy is in some way related to his facility with a pen or a keyboard strikes me as just a smidgen elitist. [...snip...] I wince when I read evidence of what must be people's sheer, slavering delight in criticizing his prose."

Two quick points: first, there is nothing necessarily wrong with being an elitist, and arguably even a student at an institution of higher learning is to some extent a member of an elite group.

Which brings me to my second point ... Mr. Dawson specifically declares himself to be "a scholar myself ..." and his note reveals a certain pride in his contributions to the "succes" of the Tunnel of Oppression.

So he invoked the power of his own (elite) authority (as a scholar and expert in the War on Oppression) to instruct us on the wonderfulness of his valued project. In so doing he invites inspection of his scholarly gifts. And from what I can see of them (the logic of his argument and his way of expressing himself), he is sorely lacking in both.

Mr. Dawson wished to straighten people out, a risky activity that could appear patronizing if handled imprudently. He should have established his credence as a careful thinker and a careful writer. He did not, and IMO he invited what he got.

"He is not a writer. Most people are not writers. But people need to write to communicate, and some of you do it better than others. I find it sad that when met with a piece of average prose, we English Lit. types tend to jump on it with claws bared."

If Mr. Dawson's letter is an example of "average prose" then it deserves to be shredded by all the claws that can be brought to bare. Who knows? Perhaps a little shredding now and again would improve Mr. Dawson's ability to sell his case!

Martin Malia: "Bluntness is presently a therapeutic necessity"

Loren

Mr. Dawson will have a bright future in producing "reality based" programming for TV. After all, if lots of people watch it, it must be good, right?

His sloppy spelling , syntax, etc. directly link to sloppy thinking and sloppy reasoning. He couldn't even manage to pull off an effective in-your-face retort letter to Erin.

Honestly, if he was really serious about putting her in her place, intellectually speaking, wouldn't he have had the brains (and the balls) to proof-read?

So far, everyone seems to be taking the 750+ figure at face value. I don't, as I'm not ready to assume that Mr. Dawson is any better with numbers than he is with spelling, grammar or logic. For all I know, he could have simply made the figure up. After all, he only promised that his numbers don't "like," not that they don't lie. My numbers don't "like," either, being inanimate abstractions and all.

My guess is that however many students actually showed, at least of half of them came to satisfy their morbid curiosity, not to learn any of Watson's oh-so-important lessons.

Bob Finegan: you have made my day, and I thank you for it. I work in the bowels of a university myself, and it's posts like yours that convince me there's still hope. Carping Tunnel Syndrome! Ha!

I think for true diversity training all college students should be required to watch the South Park Episode: The Death Camp of Tolerance.

If you have seen it, you know what I mean; if you haven't do yourself a favor and watch it.

You'll never be able to sit through diversity training without laughting again.

Bingo! Scenes from that episode flashed through my mind as I read the original story about the "Tunnel of Oppression." I had to keep reminding myself that I was reading a real story from Erin, not a parody from Trey & Matt.

This article reminds me of a joke at MIT, a stdent goes to the express checkout with thirty items. The cashier looks at the student and says I don't know if you're a math major and can't read or an English major and can't count."

It appears this guy must be a socilogy major and just is plain dumb. Its amazing that there appear to be lots of these sensitivity courses round the country. We had a sexual harassment course at an unamed Federal Agency (famous for the brainlessness and spinelessness of its officers). To my surprise once the "enlightened" instructor told us keeping a picture of our wife on our desk in a swimsuit could be construed as sexual harassmnet I saw the assembled serfs revolt. It was the first time I have ever seen Federal workers challenge the powers that be. I do not hope to see these PC activities challenged again.

slymps?

I still can't figure out what the hell that means.

I think it's glimpse.

This is what baffles me:

I'TS A SAD REALITY THAT A TOUGHT FROM SOMEONE WAS LAWSUIT.

If it's important enough to type all-caps, shouldn't it at least be checked for coherance? I'm betting (1) he was stoned or (2) Erin made this up.

"Hopefully our scholar has skills in either the hamburger or coffee making arts. I figure he'll be needing them soon."

Sadly, untrue. This person will have a lifetime job as a diversity expert. There are plenty of universities & NGO's around.

To those chiding about our correction/mocking of his grammar, I point out two things. First, many comments and the original post point out that the grammar isn't the biggest deficiency. Second, his errors aren't a few misplaced commas or typos. This borders functional illiteracy. The result is an illogical, fatuous attack wholly without substance compounded by the worst presentation I have ever seen.

His entire argument could be paraphrased as "you shouldn't criticize my program because I'm trying to accomplish something I feel is important." As I previously pointed out, he doesn't even understand a need to explain his goals or how this program achieves them.

Or, it's one hell of a joke.

COLLEGE TO PROMOTE RACIAL AND CULTURAL HARMONY
THROUGH CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EVENTS OCT. 2-7

http://www.cortland.edu/oiaweb/news/092999a.html

By god, this is deeply sad. What ever happened to the oppressive literati? This chap couldn't write his way out of a wet paper bag. If he's the best that the anti-corporate oppressors can do, I shudder for the free-thinkers. Just like Caesar, we are outstripping our opponents. Soon there will be no yardsticks against which to measure our greatness.

And then we will be assassinated in the Forum by our erstwhile allies and clients. On the Ides of March.

In the advertising business, it's said that the best way to kill a poor-quality product is to advertise it.

Brandon seems proud of his accomplishments to date.

Bran, keep up the good work!

All your oppression are belong to us.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm more worried about those students who were "impacted each and every one of them." That sounds like an incredibly painful medical situation to me. Did anyone treat these poor bastards? I knew a guy who got an impacted bowel once, and he nearly died. Isn't it some kind of assault or criminal act when you deliberately "impact" 750 (purported) students?

Also, how the Hell am I supposed to divine (by divination, I suppose) the "real hidden meaning" of this Chunnel of Obstruction? Behind (or underneath or 'round back of) the "real hidden meaning" is there a "realer, open meaning" or an "unrealer, semi-transparent meaning" or some damn thing?

This is all about as clear as mud. But then, that has been my unhappy experience with such fol-de-rol.

I'TS A SAD REALITY THAT A TOUGHT FROM SOMEONE WAS LAWSUIT.

This is the best Zen koan I have ever read. I have achieved nirvana. Thanks, Tunnel-man!

I TOUGHT I TAW a PUTTY TAT.

The blogosphere must adopt "slymps" as its very own and add another term (see "fisking") to the common vocabulary.

"Slymps" (n.) Blogosphere. A passionately held but utterly wrongheaded belief, arising from the believers own sense of moral superiority. Often found among disaffected undergraduates.

Again, I find myself compelled to lower the cultural barrier here - but the slymps/glimpse conufsion reminded me of a line from a Rodney Dangerfield movie - "Back to School" (how appropos) in which the wealthhy but crude and aging Dangerfield decided to go back to college with his son after his young, fidelity-challenged trophy wife left him. the scene in question opens to Rodney arriving back at his mansion and catches his wife in the act. The stanger, whilst looking at some new artwork on the bedroom wall says "Your wife was just showing me her Klimt" to which Rdoney replied "Yeah, she's been showing it to everybody." Now slymps joins the lexicon.

sorry, forgot the ' in believer's.

I like how he "impacted each and every one of them." Hopefully they sued the dumb Cretin for assault.