From reader Kobi Haron, a highly Sunday-appropriate missive:

Twelve top reasons why God can't get tenure

1. ÝHe's authored only one paper
2. That paper was in Hebrew
3. His work appeared in an obscure, unimportant publication
4. ÝHe never references other authors
5. Workers in the field can't replicate His results.
6. He failed to apply to the ethics committee before starting His experiments on humans.
7. He tried to cover an experiment's unsatisfatory results by drowning the subjects.
8. When subjects behavior proved his theory wrong he had them removed from the sample.
9. He hardly ever shows up for any lectures. He merely assigns His Book again and again.
10. His office is at the top of a mountain, and He doesn't keep office hours anyway.
11. When He learned that His first two students sought wisdom, He had them expelled.
12. His exams consist of only ten assigments which most students fail.

There's also:
(I don't know who the author is)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Subject: How God got Tenure

"Why God Was Ineligible for Tenure" has been posted here, a few weeks back.
I was recently sent God's appeal:
1. The one publication was a Citation Classic.
2. The Hebrew original was widely translated courtesy of the author.
3. Being written before journals existed, references were hard to come by.
4. Original treatises that found a new area often require their own monograph.
5. Although research has been sparse since the Creation, the professor has taught a number of courses: Human anatomy 212; Ancient Middle Eastern History 101, 102; Hydrology 207; Human Development 350; seminar on Egyptology; extended field trips to the deserts between Egypt and Palestine; Politics of Theocracies 277; Military Science Special Topic: Use of Voice as a Municipal Assault Weapon; Criminology 114; guest lectures in the Vet School: Digestive Anatomy of Whales; Wisdom & Ethics 550; Special seminar: Fertilization without sperm; Winemaking 870; Healing by miracle 987; Theology 101, 102, 230, 342, 350, 466H, and 980.
6. The substitute teacher (son) was highly committed to his work.
7. The substitute teacher cancelled the original ten requirements.
8. The twelve teaching assistants formed numerous discussion groups.
9. The substitute teacher knew students names without an attendance sheet.
10. The professor's weekly Sunday lectures by surrogate instructors are attended by 974 million students.

The author is anonymous. I merely translated.

As one of my friends noted; he is also very conservative, entirely too friendly with Israel, completely anti-post modernism, and thoroughly non-PC. These alone would be enough to screw His tenure bid at my friend's institution of 'higher' learning.

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